this place has served its purpose and run its course.
i’m moving away from mbti stuff and jung’s cognitive functions until more of the actual science catches up. mbti is not a one-size-fits-all solution to understanding people, and a lot of intjs treat it that way due to their own shortcomings, unfortunately. people are different and far more complex. there are other things to learn, other places to explore.
thanks for all the conversations, i’ll leave them here for others to find.
You can really start anywhere you like, there’s no need to force all the big stuff out right away. I know it seems less efficient, but it’s better to start anywhere than to not get any of it out at all. And getting it all out loud will help you process it too, to determine what you’re really trying to say, what you really mean.
Talking is better than not talking. Pick one thing that’s bothering you and talk about it. What comes out of your mouth might sound like nonsensical stream-of-consciousness word vomit, but your therapist is there to catch the good bits and tease the details out more.
I think everyone deserves my empathy and sincere consideration. I used to write people off almost immediately, and now I take it slow and really try to figure people out before I decide I can’t be around them, or that I don’t care to try to be friends with them.
I try to help where and how I can. If I don’t think I can help, I intentionally distance myself. I’ve got tons of my own shit to work on, anyhow.
I got tired of the looking down on others game a long time ago. So what if other people are all around you experiencing reality differently? Missing out on what, exactly, our internal neuroses and obsessions with knowing everything and feeling competent? My boyfriend is capable of being happier than I will ever experience. Yeah, like I would wish that on anyone.
Other people are different than me, and it’s not their fault. I’m just as bad at some things as other people are at the things I’m good at, and it’s not my fault.
There’s always room for growth, a chance to learn something from people I meet, and they don’t deserve my pity, nor I theirs, just because of some perceived (false) superiority on someone’s part.
I don’t really believe in intelligence as it’s couched in IQ tests or whatever. I took an IQ test when I was young to get into school early and I’m not about to tell you all what my score was, seeing as it doesn’t matter, but suffice it to say that beyond that it’s had no bearing on what I’ve done with my life or how I feel about it. My family never made it a big deal, and my mother always impressed upon me what I’m about to tell you.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the not being a genius part, so much as you can worry about the “what am I going to do with what I’ve got?” part. Genius or not, you can still be inventive and creative, and genius is certainly not a requirement when it comes to either of those. It’s also perseverance, learned skill, and luck.
If you can figure out how to teach yourself what you need to know and understand in order to succeed in the area you want to, then as far as I’m concerned, you’re brilliant.
You could always ask your teacher. Express it to them in terms of “sometimes when you’re referring to a good point someone made, you don’t call out the name of the person who made that comment, and I was wondering why you don’t credit them out loud?”
Yeah, here’s my advice: write.
Not writing means not getting better, not learning. Writing means getting all the shitty prose out of you so that the gold can start coming out. Stop making excuses for why you can’t work on it and just write.
It’s like getting paint down on the canvas. You’ve made elements you can start rearranging and playing around with, figuring out how it all fits together. But you gotta get those words out on the page first before you see what your creation’s actually going to look like.
I’ve actually written like four(?) books, the process I usually go through regardless of whether it’s fiction or research is making an outline first. Start to finish, break your chapters up and then write a couple sentences summarizing them. It’s like drawing a map for yourself.
I heard somewhere that you have to get a million bad words out of yourself before you can actually start writing something worth a damn, which sounds about right to me.
If you were to ask me how many friends I have, and I were to answer you honestly, I have one friend.
If you were to ask me and I were to answer you in terms of how many people I enjoy spending time around, I have 20 friends or so.
If you don’t like someone, then you don’t like them, but if you have any kind of affinity with them or shared interested, and they’re not totally annoying, it’s worth it to pursue that area of overlap and try to mitigate the dumb parts you don’t like. However you can figure out how to get along with someone is enough, not everyone has to be your best friend.
My requirements are: you can laugh at yourself and reality, you hold yourself to some kind of personal values, you want to accomplish something meaningful, and you’re not completely pants-on-head retarded.
If you bail on someone after you get annoyed or irritated, you aren’t going to have any friends. Everyone’s obnoxious at some point, yourself included. It’s just that everyone around you can put up with yours better than you can put up with theirs.
I’ve mentioned this before, but I have one friend and I who share the same sense of humor but disagree entirely on the topic of religion. I have one friend who I can only play video games with and even then only for like two hours before he starts in with the “I’m so bad at this game” shit I find obnoxious. It’s a Christmas miracle that I can find anyone to spend long lengths of time with, but then it’s a result of us adjusting to each other and learning how to speak each other’s language.
That “one friend” I mentioned above? It took us like six years to figure out how to talk respectfully to each other, let alone be respectful. You grow into other people and they you. It’s an ongoing process, maturity and experience, and the rest, as usual.
It’s ok to be shy, it’s ok to be afraid. You are not your fear, and you shouldn’t let that hold you back from expressing yourself for who you are.
Take a deep breath, sit them down and have a serious talk. Your parents will need their own time to adjust to you being a full-fledged adult-thing with your own thoughts and feelings, which is where the condescension comes from. Maybe they never coped with their own embarrassments at your age, who knows? Best thing you can do is take the initiative to start the conversation and be honest.
Talking to them about this will help them understand who you are — and if your parents are worth any damn at all, they will want to know.
Therapy is worth it. Things are only going to get harder from here on out, there’s no shame in seeking help from others who are older and wiser in the world than we are. That’s kind of how life works, as it turns out.
Don’t worry about the drugs part, your therapist will help you figure that one out.
It is okay? Yeah, sure it is, it’s ok to question everything. Questioning the nature of the reality you live in is natural. Pushing boundaries and trying things out to see how reality works is in our blood. We can’t learn how to walk until we try it out, we won’t know what we believe in until we test it out. Everyone is always just trying things out to see if anything suits us, so it’s no different with religion.
I think you should explore your doubts and seek answers. Decide for yourself what place religion has in your life, what it does for you, and what the consequences are (because there are consequences for everything we do and for everything we stand for).
Ask people you trust in your church, and outside of it, to help you find the answers you’re looking for. Talk to everyone, ask them what they believe and why. Is their evidence for their beliefs evidence for your own? There are a lot of people out there who seem to have the answers, but maybe answers only for themselves and not for you.
I personally take beliefs and religions as a guiding light for the culmination of human knowledge regarding stuff like ethics, morals, what’s best for the human race, the personal pitfalls of man (like how to cope with addictions), and so on. Religions have covered a lot of ground before you and I were born about the nature of man and our relationship with the universe, they carry a lot of wisdom in between all the self-loathing and the sexism/racism.
Religion in and of itself doesn’t hold a lot of ground for me to stand on in terms of what I believe, but I didn’t just decide that one day, it emerged slowly over the course of several years of seeking and listening and reading. Buddhism holds some water for me — the whole accepting the transience of life thing — and there are other religions that inspire some great work in the world. Christianity teaches a lot of very empathetic stories about caring for others and setting aside judgments. Hindus hold a deep respect life, but in their own ways (e.g. vegetarianism).
But personally, I never felt beholden to worshiping a specific deity or to holding myself to a man-made moral standard just because someone told me it was the right way to live. (Ever the defiant one.) Despite no evidence one way or the other — I am totally, utterly agnostic and hold nothing to even qualify as evidence because we don’t even know what the question is — I feel it’s a waste of my time to attribute the good and evil in the world to some predestined plan that was already laid out for us. I’ve always wanted evidence to back up statements like that, and wanted to figure out the right way to live for myself.
So for lack of definitive proof, swimming in a sea of question marks, my operating mode right now primarily consists of “is this good for me, so I can keep going? and secondly, am i helping humanity in general? is this better for the greater good?”
Even more personally, I feel deeply connected to the universe by virtue of knowing that I am intrinsically part of it. I am made of atoms just as much as you are, as the stars are, as everything else in the universe is. It’s not a religious feeling for me, it’s even better because it’s a fact inasmuch as we can know such a thing: we are all connected. So this is the basis for a lot of my ethics, to give everyone a chance and to take care of others as best I am capable of doing.
The trouble is that what consists of taking care of others is also sometimes emotionally painful for them, or you, or both. I mean, that’s life. Life won’t stop being any harder or easier just because you have faith in a higher power vs. faith in the universe, or humanity, or whatever. But it definitely helps you cope. I have plenty of friends who use religion, or lack of it, as a coping mechanism. If you can learn to push past the struggle and the pain and keep going, in my eyes, whatever helps you be a better you is what I stand behind.
So for me, to be brave enough to uphold your own standards and beliefs and honor, that’s what I am pushing myself to be at all times because I think that does the greatest good.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy your journey exploring religion and what sits right with you, and I also hope that you find the answers you’re looking for.